I’m Still Here

It’s been a while since I’ve written. If it’s any consolation I haven’t been much of a conversationalist lately either. I just haven’t had much to say.

We’ve been trying to find the right combination of meds in order to control the anxiety and the depression. I’m taking a steady anti-depressant which helps with both but needed a booster so awhile ago we tried a secondary drug called Abilify.

I was a trooper and stuck with it for well over a month before I gave up. The Abilify made my anxiety worse. Rian takes a small dose of Abilify for her OCD symptoms and she’s fine on it. It really helps her. Guess it goes to show how different people can react to the same drug. Even people in the same family.

About 2 weeks ago the doctor switched me to Seroquel. The anxiety is almost nonexistent!! I’m thrilled about that. Unfortunately it’s left me feeling groggy and fatigued. My brain feels a little fuzzy – out of focus really. I’m hoping this is one of those side effects that will decrease as I adapt to the med because I don’t really feel my usual friendly self.

For example, today I went to a book fair with my friend, T, who is a teacher librarian. It was amazing. There were books everywhere!! A bibliophile’s dream. There were gorgeous picture books. Colourful non-fiction books for elementary age students. Thousands of novels for all age groups (there were a number of titles there I’ve already devoured or are on my reading list). I don’t know how all those teachers were able to stay within their budgets. It was amazing.

But I realized, standing in line for T to get her order that I wasn’t talking much. By not much I mean not at all. I tried a few failed attempts at conversation but was unable to think of anything to say to keep the ball rolling (kinda like right now, my mind is a complete blank).

I really hope this doesn’t last too long. I’m afraid it will affect my relationships. However, I’d rather deal with being groggy and a bit spacey than the constant anxiety.

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About Holly

I hope you're able to glean something from this blog, a nugget of wisdom, a new perspective, a smile or even a laugh. I enjoy getting feedback so please comment, share your story with me too. After all, we're here to help each other.
This entry was posted in anxiety, definition, GAD, Mental health, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to I’m Still Here

  1. I have learned that sometimes it just takes time and lots of adjustments to get it right, and then as soon as you do, something else stops working! Hang in there! I have missed you though!

  2. It is so hard to find that right mix. I hope this latest combo does the trick and helps you be the best you that you can be.

  3. Winding road says:

    Constant anxiety is awful..and so is feeling zero affect. I hope you can find something that works.Have you heard of magnet therapy? Its pricey but it cured someone very close to me of depression and anxiety, as in she no longer takes meds after trying cocktails of just about everything out there. Depression and anxiety still creep in from time to time but in no way that is debilitating anymore.
    xoxo

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