Of Eggs and Epiphanies

Alexi has been having a rough summer. He’s been struggling making good decisions, and by good decisions I mean things like not sneaking his Nintendo DS to his room in the middle of the night. Or coming home on time from friends’ houses. Or doing what he’s asked when he’s asked without fighting, arguing or whining.

I know these are things that all kids go through. I get that. But 2 solid months? I think there’s only been a handful of days since the end of May when he hasn’t been grounded. I’m just as tired of enforcing these punishments as he is of having them.

Several weeks ago we had an appointment with the new pediatrician and Alexi disclosed to her that he’s angry.  He’s especially angry at his father for not being there for him. The last thing his father said to him was “be good”.  Alexi decided, in an act of age-appropriate defiance, “NO! I will not be good.” The doctor spoke with him and Alexi came to the realization that his dad isn’t suffering because of his defiance – he is.

After talking it over with the pediatrician we decided on a little “ovum therapy” – breaking eggs to ease the aggression. I had Alexi write and draw on a dozen eggs. He wrote things like “homework”; “dad”; “grounding; things that frustrate him and cause him stress.

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Alexi drew the devil on one of his eggs since the devil is a bad influence on him.

We drove out to a local conservation authority where Alexi took to pitching his troubles into the bush.

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Getting ready to demolish the tormentors.

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Out of the park.

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One more trouble bites the dust.

When we left the park, after destroying all 12 of Alexi’s eggs (and a dozen of my own) I asked Alexi how he was feeling about his eggs-perience (couldn’t resist). He said he felt pretty good about it. We talked about making better decisions (I really wish he had paid more attention). We even talked about his dad.

Alexi talked openly about his disappointment with his dad’s lack of parenting. He lamented about missing having a “dad” – an involved, active and loving parent instead of an absent and absent-minded sire. We talked about the kind of qualities a good dad should have and how a good dad would behave towards his family.

It was a good talk. I’m glad I can have moments like this with my son. I know how blessed am I to have him in my life, even when he’s begging for more time on the Wii.

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About Holly

I hope you're able to glean something from this blog, a nugget of wisdom, a new perspective, a smile or even a laugh. I enjoy getting feedback so please comment, share your story with me too. After all, we're here to help each other.
This entry was posted in ADHD, anger management, anxiety, children's mental health, coping strategies, GAD, Mental health, parenting, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, single parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Of Eggs and Epiphanies

  1. Really interesting type of theory. How old is Alexi again? It’s a shame that he is missing out on a father. It sounds like you are handling this well. It cant be experience.
    I hope this eggs-perience will help him get past this phase.

    • Holly says:

      He’s 13, so at that age when he has lots of questions about being a guy. Things I don’t know the answers to. My brother has stepped up and fielded some of those questions for me, but he lives 4 hours away so it’s not always convenient.
      Thanks, I’m trying to do right by him. I want him to grow up understanding that he can make different choices than his father has.

  2. He looks about the same age Mr. T was when I struggled with Mr. T having issues with not having a dad – and after some time – I was floored when Mr. T mentioned that he thought is was his fault that his dad wasn’t in the picture. I have NEVER said anything like that to him, just the opposite, in fact!! I have always been clear that his dad said that he couldn’t be a good father to T. But,it’s amazing what goes on in their minds and how they can twist and obsess over things that we have no clue they are struggling with!
    The phase did pass, and I’m sure Alexi’s will too. Hang in there!

  3. I really love this, Holly!

    • Ok, that was a short message, but I’ve been having trouble with replying to blogs and it not going through! What I was going to say is….tears in my eyes over thie one, as I understand the dynamic all too well with my little one. I do indeed think the “egg-sperience” as you put it is a terrific idea! And, I love the pics. Thanks for sharing. I think you are an awesome mommy!! XOXO-Kasey

      • Holly says:

        Now there are tears in my eyes! Thanks, Kasey. I try so hard. All I ever wanted to be was a mom. Little did I know how hard it would be. But also rewarding and full of wonder. I don’t know God does it for 6 billion of us.

    • Holly says:

      Thanks. It was quite an afternoon. 🙂

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