Follow Up

I spoke with my friend tonight about how hurtful I found her comments regarding my mental illness. She had this to say:

The comment I made in terms of the med thing is because of the fact that you are trying to have a connection with someone. You’re lonely and want happiness..but when you tell someone something of that nature it can scare someone off before they know you’re worth knowing. Most men want to enter a relationship with someone because they are attracted to them..not accept their health issues right off the bat..it was advice because I cared..it was so you understood that maybe that would frighten a man off. I want you to find happiness..and not everyone understands about health concerns…some things need to be said to protect the hurtfulness of comments (I believe she meant either that I’m hurting myself by being so open or that the new people would hurt me with their comments). I don’t want you to hide who you are..but let them know about the other side of “Holly’ first is all I mean..They should know about the other things you have to offer before they need to accept that (mental health)..and deal with that.

There’s validity to her statement. I’m glad I took the time to talk to her, to discover what was behind her original statement. I now see that, although it didn’t come across with concern, there was compassion at the core of her thought. Had I not taken that step outside my own thought process I would not have discovered how she was showing me she cares. Not that I totally agree with her, but at least now I can see the friendship in her statement.

"The misguided opinions of others..." no matter the intention....

 

 

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About Holly

I hope you're able to glean something from this blog, a nugget of wisdom, a new perspective, a smile or even a laugh. I enjoy getting feedback so please comment, share your story with me too. After all, we're here to help each other.
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6 Responses to Follow Up

  1. Holly, I think the fact that you were able to discuss it with her says something about the strength of your friendship.

  2. Holly says:

    Thanks, Laura. I believe it’s important to talk things through. Even when you still don’t see eye-to-eyed at least you’ve shown each other the respect every human being should be shown.

  3. Holly, I, too, am glad you dicussed your concerns with your friend. I do agree that when meeting people for the first time (especially if you are looking at dating) it’s incredibly important to be yourself, but what I try to remember is that the difficulties I face are not what define me. I have many wonderful things that make me “me”, and the tougher stuff is only a part of that, and not necessarily the the greater part. When I began emailing my boyfriend (whom I met online) We simply enjoyed “conversing” and getting to know each other more on a surface level. After our first real, spoken, conversation, feeling that he was someone I wanted to get to know more deeply, I then opened up about the parts of me that are personal and might cause a man to run, ha, ha. We’ve been together (minus a small period of time) for over a year and a half. Those things I brought to his attention aren’t an issue now. Best of luck!

  4. Holly says:

    Thanks for your comment. I would like to clarify that I don’t usually mention my health issues or being on meds during my first meeting or chat with someone new. However, if someone comes right out and asks me I do tell them the truth. An interesting little tidbit about me is every time I’ve Googled my name, I’m the only “me” that comes up. And since I’m so honest about my life on my blog it wouldn’t take much for someone to learn all about the Madhouse and its resident Warden 😉
    I’ve been told it’s going to take a “very special man” to “put up” with me and my kids so I’m not holding my breath anyway. *insert impish grin here*

    • Gotcha! And, whoever told you that it will take someone special to “put up” with y’all, well, I’ll just say this…there is someone out there. Again, when I met my boyfriend, I was so nervous to explain to him I was a recovering alcoholic (12 years sober), financially strapped, and had been married three times in two decades. I remember thinking, “Who am I kidding…who’s gonna wanna go out with this (me)??” I explained each situation to him, though, and again, because we had been chatting and seemed to have a genuine like for one another, he accepted me with all my “stuff”. You, too, seem to me to a very sweet and funny person, a great writer, and dedicated to your kids and the MH cause. So, keep the positive thoughts coming, and don’t ever give up. 🙂

  5. Holly says:

    Thanks, Kasey. That’s very kind of you to say. I think you’re very strong to have survived all that you have – 3 marriages, yikes! I barely survived one 😉 And 12 years sober is something to be very proud of!! You keep your chin up, too. And remember “God made you special and He loves you very much!”

    ps – it was my Pastor that told me it’d take someone really special…

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