I spoke with my friend tonight about how hurtful I found her comments regarding my mental illness. She had this to say:
The comment I made in terms of the med thing is because of the fact that you are trying to have a connection with someone. You’re lonely and want happiness..but when you tell someone something of that nature it can scare someone off before they know you’re worth knowing. Most men want to enter a relationship with someone because they are attracted to them..not accept their health issues right off the bat..it was advice because I cared..it was so you understood that maybe that would frighten a man off. I want you to find happiness..and not everyone understands about health concerns…some things need to be said to protect the hurtfulness of comments (I believe she meant either that I’m hurting myself by being so open or that the new people would hurt me with their comments). I don’t want you to hide who you are..but let them know about the other side of “Holly’ first is all I mean..They should know about the other things you have to offer before they need to accept that (mental health)..and deal with that.
There’s validity to her statement. I’m glad I took the time to talk to her, to discover what was behind her original statement. I now see that, although it didn’t come across with concern, there was compassion at the core of her thought. Had I not taken that step outside my own thought process I would not have discovered how she was showing me she cares. Not that I totally agree with her, but at least now I can see the friendship in her statement.