I have completed an application to see if I can get some help from an agency. I don’t want to delve into the details of which agency in case I am declined, but I would like to share bits from the Activities of Daily Living piece I have to submit.
” The average day I would say I function at approximately 60 to 65% of my previous abilities. Some days it is as low as 40%. Every afternoon I must rest for at least an hour in order to function for the rest of the day. What the vertigo and DID symptoms have done to my self-esteem and self-worth is probably the hardest of all to face. I feel useless, worthless, inconsequential, unprofitable, wretched and miserable.”
” Speaking of appearances, I have been having great difficulty getting help from various agencies because I “present so well”. This phrase has become the bane of my existence. I suffer from a very debilitating mental health disorder which affects every aspect of my life from parenting to work to romance, but have been unable to access services because I “present so well”. I am being denied services because I choose to take the proper medications in order to manage my illness. I am being denied services because I have developed coping tools and use them. I am being denied services because I am articulate and intelligent. The specialist I went to see about the vertigo told me that since I appear to be functioning fairly well I should be happy with that. I am being denied service because I choose to pour vast amounts of my energy into functioning. The bottom line is if I keep pouring out that energy into functioning, at this rate, I will be hospitalized by year end.”
I just keep hoping that tomorrow will be better.